Samaritan Woman...

"Many Samaritans... believed in him because of the woman's testimony, 'He told me all that i ever did.' " (John 4:39).

Its hard for me to believe that God will take me as is. Heck, *I* dont even like me as is half the time, and so its hard to believe that the Creator of the world, who is perfect, and desires perfection, could love and use me, as I am.

Billy Graham stated, about the above verse, "No matter how sinful or unworthy we may feel today, God can use us. Throughout history God has chosen ordinary people and unworthy people and the least likely people. He can use us in our own community, our town, our city, our country!"

That's hard to believe, but God's Word does say that its true.

So.. what does that mean for me? God has a plan. He has a goal for me to reach today. I just have to be willing to attain it.

But what?

Seek Ye First

My verse calendar today greeted me with this passage this morning:

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

I have been so down in the dumps, so filled with depression, so sad... and I've been trying to figure out why I have been having such a hard time with all of this. The truth is that the biggest variables in who I am between these trials and the trials I've experienced before, is that I have just not felt as close to God... haven't leaned on Him, haven't "sought God's kingdom first"... Its been in the back of my mind, and more and more everyday I have heard his calling to "come home"... that he is the comforter, the strength giver, the answer to my prayers... I can't explain why I have been so blocked. A lot of things I guess. Point is, its time to turn around. Again. I wish I knew why I struggled with this so so much. I love God. I do. I want to be close to God. I dont know why my mind and my heart pull me in two different directions, but its time to listen to the one that is pulling me in the direction I know deep down is right. There is a book I've been wanting to read called "The Power of a Praying Woman"- its by the same author as the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" ( which I would also highly reccommend. I LOVED it and it saved my marriage, by helping me come to a new perspective on both marriage, and myself. ) I'm going to start reading it today, and will keep a journal to write out my t houghts. I also have another book that I started a long time ago and just fell in love with: "Lies Women Believe And The Truth That Sets Them Free" - awesome bible study. My goal is to get through both of those books in the next couple weeks, and to just turn my focus around from internally to externally... look at the big picture, rebuild my faith, and hopefully gain some perspective to help me grow closer to the Source of everything.

Heart Trouble

"For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come." Mark 7:21.

Its hard to imagine that WE could be the starting point for evil to erupt. That our own hearts could be where the root of evil nestles in, and billows out into our lives and to the world... but it is.

God says that we have to focus everything on him, from our hearts to our minds, to our bodies, to really be "godly" and to shun evil from our lives.

This all sounds so untouchable... so out there... so far from reality a lot of times, but it comes down to daily struggles and hardships.

Should I be honest with the creditor or should I lie? Should I spend the extra money we have on something i want, even though we have needs? Should I oogle that person over there, even though my heart should be wholly devoted to my husband/wife?

It starts small... and those are the places that build character. I pray God gives me the strength and devotion to ALWAYS be God-focused in everything, starting with my heart.

Fixating on God

The Lord led me to a passage in Deuteronomy today. Deut 11:18-21

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them whien you sit at home, and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth."

This passage was underlined in my bible... I had read it and been drawn to it before. I have an obligation, and a spiritual call, to fill my mind, my home, and my speech/actions with my family/children with God's word... Its so important to teach my kids about God. I pray He will show me how to best do that, so that Abbi and the new baby will grow up loving Him and have a passion for Him.

Submission

"Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
Do ou watch wehn the doe bears her fawn?
Do you count the months till they bear?
Do you know the time they give birth?
The crouch down and bring forth their young;
their labor pains are ended.
Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds;
they leave and do not return."
Job 39:1-4

Sometimes God will lead me to a passage, and my first and only thought is "HUH?"

But that then presents me with a challenge to find how God intended me to understand this passage, and what He wants me to really gain from reading it.

This group of verses is actually God speaking to Job. He was explaining, in His own mysterious way, that Job's knowledge of the universe, and its workings, were quite limited. God wasn't seeking answers from Job, when he asked those questions. He was showing Job answers of his own. We need to understand that God can see everything... He has the big picture in mind, down to the day and time, and exact second that even a baby goat is born on the side of a mountain. God was showing Job that if only he would give up fighting against the reasons behind what was happening to him, God would bring him through it to a time that God knew would be better, and even greater than that, God would restore his spirit.

God can restore our spirits too, but we have to submit to His will, even in the worst of times, when we are most mournful, most angry, most hurt, and most scared. God can see the big picture and He knows what our future is. He has a plan for good in our lives, not evil. We can get through the hard times on that promise, and wait on God to reveal His amazing plan and restoration to our souls and lives.

Psalm 51

This is one of my favorite Psalms... it always brings my perspective right back to God, and after praying this scripture, I always feel like I have a fresh start and a renewed faith and relationship with God. There is nothing sweeter! For this entry, I think I will just post the scripture... it says enough!

"Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, I have sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me my wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God you will not despise.

In your good pleaseure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your alter."

REMEMBER ME!

Rememberance. Its a word that is used in so many facets in regards to spirituality. God led me to several passages today in Psalms. The first one, and the one I'm going to talk about here is in Ps. 50:22-23

"Consider this, you who forget God,
or I will tear you to pieces, with none to rescue.
He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me,
and he prepares the way
so that I may show him the salvation of God."

God does not attempt to hide the severity of forgetting him... He says that those who forget God will be "torn to pieces, with none to rescue." Not a pretty picture. A big misconception, and a big danger, for many Christians, is the belief that Satan attemps to turn us against God. This is NOT true for the majority. Rather, Satan tries to fill us with forgetfulness of God. If we forget about God, move on in our day, in our lives, over time, without Him... we distance ourselves, and thus become more vulnerable to sin and temptation. It isn't hatred we must so desperately look out for, though that is a danger as well. The biggest concern, is forgetfulness. We must always be mindful, and remember to thank our Creator each day for the very gift of life, and all of its many amazing moments.

Its something that I do struggle with. I find that I often go through my day, putting off my devotions until the last minute... making them the final thing on my to do list... placing God last. One of my newest goals for myself is to set aside a certain time every single day devoted to connecting with God, thanking him for my breath, and my life, and all of the wonders that each day brings... and asking Him, what it is that HE wants for me today.

No better time to start than the present...